Know Your Cow: Brisket

Brisket (from the Old Norse “brjōsk”) is cut from the lower chest of the cow, which is frequently called the breast. It’s usually split into a first and second cut, for a total weight of 7 to 9 pounds. As one of the toughest parts of a cow, brisket can’t be grilled like a traditional steak. It takes careful marinating and seasoning to prepare and then has to cook for many hours. It’s especially popular in Texas (sold by the pound or by the sandwich), where rumor has it that two German brothers who owned a meat market began smoking brisket as a way to use their excess meat.

Brisket is cheap. A massive 7 pound block will run you only 30 or 40 dollars. That’s why it’s so popular for BBQ’s: because you can feed a lot of people without spending a fortune. It’s also popular because it’s effing delicious.

Real men smoke their brisket. Not by coincidence, real women also smoke their brisket. You better believe Rachel McAdams smokes her brisket. Mine, too. If you happen to be so unlucky as to not yet own a Big Green Egg (I assume by reading this site, you must be at least aspiring to own one), then you can also slow cook your brisket in an oven or a very large slow cooker. Just make sure you rub it with as much spice as humanly possible first.

To cook a whole brisket, you need to take off most of the fat, leaving just a thin layer for cooking. Your butcher will have no problem doing this for you; not so sure about asking the high school student that works at Safeway.

And don’t forget, it’s great for Hanukkah!

Mystic Meat Quest: Burgers on Toast

I had a dream. A dream in which I ascended a tall tower, taller than the highest car dealership flagpole, and at the top of this tower was a restaurant. First I talked to two old ladies. Since I look like a hobo, they assumed I was robbing them. I took their jewelry and exchanged it at a strange, glowing counter for a tray of food. I returned to the table – the old ladies kindly asked me to sit next to them, they were just leaving due to the smell – and I looked down. Upon my tray was pound after pound of fries and a stack, about a foot high, of burgers. But they were not ordinary burgers. They were burgers on toast.

Rare is the pleasure of a burger served not on the stale bun but on the fresh piece of sliced bread. There are many “gourmet” restaurants which offer this; indeed, some places (like the ever-disappointing KnowFat) will give your burger to you on a wrap. But a nice, solid piece of toast goes so well with burger and sauce. Where can you get one?

Two places come to mind:

Steak & Shake Frisco Melt

Sonic Drive-In (served with a freaking onion ring on it)

Where else? Dear readers, please leave a comment with your favorite place to get a burger that’s not on an accursed bun… I must fulfill the desires given to me by my subconscious! Which include: eating a burger on texas toast and playing Connect Four with Rachel McAdams.