Archive for the Burgers Category

Review: Lava Lake Lamb – Ground Lamb

Posted in Burgers, Organic Mail Order Meat with tags on May 15, 2009 by chomposaurus

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This month, Lava Lake Lamb, purveyors of fine organic baby sheep, were kind enough to not only kill and butcher some sweet little delicious sheep for me, they even agreed to send them to my house for free. I got a one pound packet of ground organic lamb, and did what any good American would do: I made me some burgers.

One of the best things about lamb is that it’s far more forgiving than beef for the amateur cook – it cooks more slowly and more evenly, and it does not lose nearly as much flavor between medium-rare and medium as a piece of steak will. That’s not to say you should burn it, of course. I cooked these burgers in the broiler – following Mark Bittman’s recipe for lamb burgers with cumin and onion. After 11 minutes they came out just right, pink in the middle but not red.

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The taste? Well that was divine. Lamb does indeed have a gamier flavor than beef, but it has a finer texture. This lamb was extremely juicy and it was enhanced by but not lost to the spices and onions. Generous portions of ketchup and mustard also aided the cause. But most remarkable is the sheer quantity of taste packed into each bite. With high quality meat, more flavor almost always means better flavor, and Lava Lake’s ground lamb is no exception. I suggest heading over to their site and ordering a pound or two today to try for yourself.

Next we’ll be attempting to roast one of their boneless legs of lamb. Wish us luck!

Obama Gets a Burger in Hell

Posted in Burgers, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags on May 5, 2009 by chomposaurus

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What better way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo then treating Joe Biden (and half the Washington Press Corp) to some bunned steak from Ray’s Hell-Burger, the famously horror-movie-themed beefery in Arlington, VA? There’s excellent video below, in which you can hear how Obama likes his burger, as well as the great moment when the owner, Tim Murray, has to explain to the President of the United States that they don’t do french fries, they do fried cheddar cheese potato balls.

VIDEO here.

Some reviews of Ray’s here, here and here. a

Burger King Flame: Ladies Luv It When You Smell Like Beef

Posted in Burgers, Fast Food, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on December 19, 2008 by chomposaurus

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My friends, no one needs cologne that smells like beef. But I have a lot of things I don’t need, such as a giant marble lion toothbrush holder, many dozen classic Transformers toys, and a latex sauce pan cover shaped like a pig’s face. So enter Burger King to fill my non-need for a flame-brioled-burger-scented cologne with their new offering, Flame (note the awesome url: firemeetsdesire.com). Yes, thanks to the ever-frighetning King, you can now smell like a Whopper at your holiday party.

Fortunately, it’s available at Ricky’s NYC… so I had to go out and buy some. The bored clerks in the store were more than happy to point me to it. The lady at the register thought it was gross, then admitted that she wouldn’t mind smelling like “chicken nuggets.” I found myself agreeing with her, much to my own surprise and chagrin. Her colleague called us gross, adding that she wouldn’t object to a perfume that had the essence of soul food, including fried chicken, macaroni & cheese and greens. I paid my $3.99 and quickly stuffed the package – which looked like a shiny black condom wrapper with a burger king logo – into my bag.

After resisting the urge to spray the office vegetarians with the small bottle of Flame, I boldly applied some to my own wrists. And sprayed some in the air. The result: universal disgust. Everyone gathered around began coughing. And therein lies the horrible secret of Flame: it’s not burger-scented. It’s “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat,” which I think means it’s shitty cologne with a bit of salt rubbed into it. Try as I might, I could not smell anything related to meat. If you want to know what a Burger King smells like when it’s burning down in a horrible grease fire, though, this is probably as close as you get to the real thing. The acrid, eye-watering scent will not attract anything to you. Even my dog would start choking if it licked this off my wrist.

I’m glad I tried it, so you don’t have to. If this is what The King smells like then I don’t want him anywhere near me. Once again, America’s junk food vendors have produced something truly sub-par and repulsive.

The Heart Attack I’ve Been Saving Myself For

Posted in Burgers, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on September 19, 2008 by chomposaurus



(Donuts from Krispy Kreme. Story at Cake Wrecks.)

The Only Day He Skipped a Big Mac was the Day His Mother Died

Posted in Burgers, Fast Food, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags on September 10, 2008 by chomposaurus


It’s the worst type of OCD that compels you to eat nothing but Big Macs. But part of me reading this article wants to stand up and shout “USA! USA! USA!”

Sigh.

Mystic Meat Quest: Burgers on Toast

Posted in Burgers, QUALITY FAST FOOD with tags , , , , , on July 29, 2008 by chomposaurus

I had a dream. A dream in which I ascended a tall tower, taller than the highest car dealership flagpole, and at the top of this tower was a restaurant. First I talked to two old ladies. Since I look like a hobo, they assumed I was robbing them. I took their jewelry and exchanged it at a strange, glowing counter for a tray of food. I returned to the table – the old ladies kindly asked me to sit next to them, they were just leaving due to the smell – and I looked down. Upon my tray was pound after pound of fries and a stack, about a foot high, of burgers. But they were not ordinary burgers. They were burgers on toast.

Rare is the pleasure of a burger served not on the stale bun but on the fresh piece of sliced bread. There are many “gourmet” restaurants which offer this; indeed, some places (like the ever-disappointing KnowFat) will give your burger to you on a wrap. But a nice, solid piece of toast goes so well with burger and sauce. Where can you get one?

Two places come to mind:


Steak & Shake Frisco Melt


Sonic Drive-In (served with a freaking onion ring on it)

Where else? Dear readers, please leave a comment with your favorite place to get a burger that’s not on an accursed bun… I must fulfill the desires given to me by my subconscious! Which include: eating a burger on texas toast and playing Connect Four with Rachel McAdams.

The 20 Worst Foods in America

Posted in Burgers, Fast Food, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , on July 10, 2008 by chomposaurus

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In a recent issue, Men’s Health did a rundown of the worst food in America. Predictably, many meat dishes were featured. The worst steak was Lonestar’s 20 oz T-Bone, with 124 grams of fat. Macaroni Grill’s spaghetti and meatball meal “satisfies your calorie requirements for an entire day.” Chipotle’s chicken burrito turned out to be WORSE than the beef or pork, coming in at 47 grams of fat and 1200 calories. Skip the tortilla and rice people – it tastes better that way. Ruby Tuesday’s “Healthy” Turkey Burger even comes in at 71 grams of fat and over 1100 calories.Although, lest anyone start holding meat solely responsible, check out the stats for the Chili’s Awesome Blossom:

2,710 calories
203 g fat 194 g carbs
6,360 mg sodium

That’s all for a SINGLE ONION, people.

Listen to Our Radio Station… and Perish!

Posted in Burgers, Fast Food, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , , on June 18, 2008 by chomposaurus

Driving through quiet Bladenboro, NC yesterday, I had my radio tuned to KZQ: Myrtle Beach’s station for New Rock. After rocking out alongside the corn and tobacco to “Cult of Personality”, I was intrigued by the station’s newest competition, where you could “fill up for free for a year.” Apparently, you got free gas on the station – not bad considering it now costs something like eight million dollars per cubic inch for sweet, light crude. Then I heard the second way they would fill you up:

A grand prize winner will be randomly drawn from all entries to win… 52 Hardee’s 1/3 Thickburger certificates- good for a whole year’s worth of great sandwiches.

My friends, Hardee’s Prime Rib Thickburger contains 48 grams of fat, 780 calories and 1480 mg of Sodium. This radio station is giving you a year’s supply of death. Or 40,000 calories, 2500 grams of fat and 77,000 mg of sodium to be exact. It’s probably best you don’t call in and stick with ham on rye instead.

Although given current gas prices, you could probably make a killing liquefying the burgers and selling them as ethanol at the side of the road.

Best Baseball Stadium Meat

Posted in Burgers, Chicken, Hot Dogs, REVIEWS [Restaurants], STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , on June 11, 2008 by chomposaurus


The cheap food reporter for the NYTimes visited 12 baseball stadiums across the country, looking for the best and the worst they have to offer. There’s also an interactive map.

Of course, I also saw plenty that deserved jeers: in the cramped confines of Wrigley Field’s concourses, I watched a large man, his head thrown back, guzzling spicy curly fries from a cup like they were a beverage. I ate mushy hot links, bone-dry hot dogs and hot wings with no heat. And in Baltimore, I came face to face with a crab cake sandwich that edged out guinea pig (yes, guinea pig) as the least appetizing dish I have ever tried.

My favorite stadium food? The kettle corn at Fenway.

100% Bacon Burger

Posted in Burgers, MEAT POLITICS, Pork, Seafood, STUFF ABOUT MEAT, World of Meat with tags , , , , on June 4, 2008 by chomposaurus


They should give out a MacArthur Genius Grant for meat. I think people like Kirk who make a burger out of 100% ground bacon deserve some sort of financial support to continue to do their work; who knows how our lives would be bettered? Maybe Jessica Simpson’s crazy dream of chicken wings made from grass-fed organic buffalo would finally come true; maybe we could even save the manatee and solve world hunger through off-shore manatee farming. Someday soon, you’ll find the Chomposaurus Foundation for Better Meat at chomposaurus.org; until that day, enjoy the pictures of this unbelievable creation, and don’t be afraid to dream.