Archive for April, 2009

Quality Fast Food: Kelly’s Roast Beef

Posted in Beef, Kelly's Roast Beef, REVIEWS [Restaurants], STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , , , on April 30, 2009 by chomposaurus

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On my recent triumphant return to the Chomposaurus breeding grounds of Boston, MA, I visited a mecca of meat that I had strangely neglected during my initial tenure there. Kelly’s Roast Beef has a few locations in the Boston area (for this review we went to the original at Revere Beach), pumping out metric tons of sandwiches, fried foods and chowder to the hungry New England masses. Indeed, my carnivorous companion Wyoming Rose and I were amazed that “Medium Onion Ring” equaled a literal half-a-square-foot cube of deep-fried flaky battered rings. Needless to say we did not finish them, even though they were flaky, fresh and gigantic.

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Before I move on to the main attraction, a warning: do not order the large roast beef sandwich unless you have resigned yourself to an early, coronary-propelled grave. Kelly’s Large Roast Beef Sandwich is two solid hockey pucks’ worth of moist meat packed precariously into a buttery yellow bun. I had difficulty putting it into my mouth, and believe me I have a big mouth. Only the use of generous amounts of barbecue sauce as lube allowed for easy digestion. Well, that and the beef was out of this world. It was as though your local Arby’s had gone to the neighborhood deli and gotten their best brisket for their sandwiches. You won’t top Kelly’s for quality of fast food roast beef. I was fortunate in that I needed a lot of it, too, since I was loading up for the Boston Marathon. Not to run it, mind you; but to be able to absorb the six hours of beer that watching it from the street requires.

Rose and I were also impressed with the quality of the service. You see, when the beefsmith taking our order asked what we wanted on our sandwiches, I foolishly said “everything,” figuring this was a Chicago Vienna Dog type situation. He paused and looked up at me. “Really?” He said, “Everything is pretty disgusting.” He listed about 20 items, most of which would not go together. I settled for cheese, onions, pickles and barbecue sauce – a good choice, although horseradish was also tempting. They also had no problem giving us extra buckets of bbq sauce to dip our rings in. Hooray for Yankee kindness.

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So if you have a hankering for the best beef you can eat in 10 minutes or less, Kelly’s is your place. And perhaps, finally, I have found someone to help me forget my first true roast beef love, Rax. Although it’s hard to replace lemonade served in a plastic alligator.

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You Cannot Get Swine Flu from Pork, Bacon or Delicious Ham

Posted in KNOW YOUR PIG, MEAT POLITICS, Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT, World of Meat with tags , , , on April 28, 2009 by chomposaurus

swine2What’s in a name? When it comes to today’s trendy new illness (move over, tapeworms!), Swine Flu, there simply is not much to fear in its etymology. True, the virus contains pig DNA; it also contains genetic material from humans and birds. It’s really, really difficult to spread a virus from pigs to humans. It happens about once a year. The bad stuff (i.e. Albert Camus’s The Plague) happens when the human who gets it does an above-average job of spreading it to other members of his species. Then the virate mutates, gets a passport, goes abroad, etc.

What I’m trying to say is: Bacon is still ok! Eat all the pork sausage you want. Don’t go all Indonesia on me and start dumping your Honey Baked Hams down the toilet. In the rare case of swine->man transmission, the swine would need to be alive, and you’d probably need to be bathing in its blood, Carrie-style. But even then, the chances of Carrie getting the flu are very low; she’d have to be bathing in the blood every day, or be a child with bad immune defenses who spent a creepy amount of time in the pig booth at the county fair. Don’t listen to me, listen to the CDC! In fact, doctors have yet to disprove that the flu can’t be cured with some good old-fashioned Swinetussin.

Ok, so let’s review:

Highly Likely to Infect You

Highly Likely to Infect You

Highly Likely to be Delicious

Highly Likely to be Delicious

The Rhyme of the Ancient Manatee Hunter

Posted in STRANGE MEAT, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on April 16, 2009 by chomposaurus

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As part of our dream of operating a sustainable organic manatee farm on Isla Mujeres, my friend P. Sundae and I are always doing research on the web about manatee meat facts and figures. P. asked me how much meat a typical manatee yields, and since I am his knowledge broker when it comes to aquatic mammals, I found an article with the answer – and so much more. Click here for the full tale – it’s like The Old Man and the Sea but really one-sided.

Hunting for manatees in the 1960’s was an adventure. It was a special expedition to get meat for the family and for the village. You were almost a hero when you announced that you had caught a manatee and had processed over 500 pounds of meat for the village.

Preparations began two days in advance after you announced it so that the villagers knew that there would be a fresh supply of meat for the table. Trust me, in a fishing village where one ate fish three times a day, a change to meat was like Christmas. Manatee meat sold, as far as I can remember, for ten cents a pound fresh or salted. Most families purchased ten or fifteen pounds and preserved it with salt so that it could last for a few days. To go hunting one needed a fairly large boat with an outboard motor as some chasing had to be done after the manatee was spotted. Then you needed a harpoon with a fairly long and strong rope. You also needed a fairly large and heavy wooden club. Yes, a large sharp knife was necessary to rip open the half inch thick skin of the animal and then to fillet and process the meat.