Archive for bacon

You Cannot Get Swine Flu from Pork, Bacon or Delicious Ham

Posted in KNOW YOUR PIG, MEAT POLITICS, Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT, World of Meat with tags , , , on April 28, 2009 by chomposaurus

swine2What’s in a name? When it comes to today’s trendy new illness (move over, tapeworms!), Swine Flu, there simply is not much to fear in its etymology. True, the virus contains pig DNA; it also contains genetic material from humans and birds. It’s really, really difficult to spread a virus from pigs to humans. It happens about once a year. The bad stuff (i.e. Albert Camus’s The Plague) happens when the human who gets it does an above-average job of spreading it to other members of his species. Then the virate mutates, gets a passport, goes abroad, etc.

What I’m trying to say is: Bacon is still ok! Eat all the pork sausage you want. Don’t go all Indonesia on me and start dumping your Honey Baked Hams down the toilet. In the rare case of swine->man transmission, the swine would need to be alive, and you’d probably need to be bathing in its blood, Carrie-style. But even then, the chances of Carrie getting the flu are very low; she’d have to be bathing in the blood every day, or be a child with bad immune defenses who spent a creepy amount of time in the pig booth at the county fair. Don’t listen to me, listen to the CDC! In fact, doctors have yet to disprove that the flu can’t be cured with some good old-fashioned Swinetussin.

Ok, so let’s review:

Highly Likely to Infect You

Highly Likely to Infect You

Highly Likely to be Delicious

Highly Likely to be Delicious

Word of the Day: Speckmantel

Posted in Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , on March 10, 2009 by chomposaurus

German, meaning “Bacon Jacket.” Our loyal correspondent P. Sundae sends this brief dispatch:

…saw this in the grocery store and thought you would enjoy it. It’s a wienerli wearing a Speckmantel (that’s a real German word, and yes, it means “Bacon Jacket”) and carrying a cheese wheel on its back.

Apparently the word is usually used to describe bacon-wrapped foods. I think I shall start referring to such delicacies this way; for example, “that filet is wearing a bacon jacket.”

Farmers’ Market Anxiety; Or, Who Has Time to Compare 10 Types of Carrots?

Posted in MEAT POLITICS with tags , , on February 27, 2009 by chomposaurus

I work near Union Square in NYC. Three times per week, there’s a huge farmers’ market in Union Square featuring several dozen purveyors of fresh, delicious looking organic food. And every time I see it, coming or going from work, I think, “I have to start buying delicious fresh local food veggies there!” But this statement does not fill me with anticipation or desire. It fills me with a sense of guilty anxiety, like when you’re putting off telling your girlfriend that you may have given her fish diabetes while she was on a business trip (Baby I am so, so sorry but you’re going to have to learn to give Bubbles insulin injections).

The only thing better than one produce section is 20 identical ones next to each other, right?

The only thing better than one produce section is 20 identical ones next to each other, right?

But why does fresh, delicious food make me anxious? I finally figured it out: I don’t have time for this shit.

Groceries stores were invented for a reason: make shopping for food easier and cheaper. Like most great inventions, they had serious problems when first unveiled. And some of those problems still exist today: low-quality food, way too many imported fruits promoted above in-season varieties, and a focus on processed foodstuffs. But things are improving! We now have Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s, and pretty much every major supermarket chain has organic sections. I know, labelling something organic has its own issues, and we have not perfected the system yet for figuring out what is truly naturally grown. But why must the local food movement insist that the *only* solution to this is to spend hours of my valuable time picking through piles of beets at 10 different stands, worried that I have no idea what distinguishes a good beet from a great beet, and then worried whether people judge you based on your beet-picking abilities. Let me say it again: I don’t have time for that shit. And sense farmer’s markets don’t offer you any cost savings because they are generally such small operations, why not pay someone else to do the picking for you, and to do it more efficiently?

Progress! It's ok, people.

Progress! It's ok, people.

The conclusion being, I’m going to shop at the grocery store. Yeah, you heard me right: I plan to purchase my food from a business that sells food. And when I follow Mike Nelson’s lead and start an all-bacon diet, I am not concerned that between the Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s and Food Emporium on my block, I can find some delicious, organic and well-priced meat without spending hours of my time sorting through the 8 premium meat dealer booths spread out over a cold, windy city square. The Whole Foods pictured above even has a green roof.

I think this rabbit is a powerful metaphor.

I think this rabbit is a powerful metaphor.

Progress, people. Don’t be afraid of admitting that you like the convenience of shopping in a store that carries all the food you need in one place. If you don’t like what your grocery store’s selling, don’t buy it. And tell them why – many times, they’ll actually listen. That’s how the free market works.

Review: Bacon Pancakes

Posted in Pork, REVIEWS [Restaurants], STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , on February 6, 2009 by chomposaurus

While visiting DC for the inauguration, I had the good fortune to stumble into Marx Cafe in Mt. Pleasant for brunch. Our motley crew of hungry, hungover men soon spotted bacon pancakes on the menu and decided we had to try some. We ordered a stack for the table and dug in.


I was expecting little bits of bacon to be mixed into the batter. Little did I know they would meld whole strips of bacon into the flapjack, as though they were pouring the batter on top of them. While I admire the culinary swagger it takes to place an intact piece of bacon inside a pancake, I must say it probably lessened the overall effectiveness of the flavor combination. It simply tasted like you had stabbed a piece of bacon on your fork, then stabbed some pancake, then rubbed it all in syrup. Delicious? Yes. But hardly original. You can do the same at Denny’s by ordering bacon with your grand slam.

So I may have to make my own bacon pancakes to get the unique, meaty-batter experience I was looking for. And trust me, you’ll be the first to know about it.

Know Your Pig: The All-Pork BBQ Burrito of Destiny

Posted in KNOW YOUR PIG, Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on January 26, 2009 by chomposaurus

BBQ Addicts brings you the Bacon Explosion, a creation that makes Chipotle look like a haven for vegans and children. Behold:


2 pounds thick cut bacon
2 pounds Italian sausage
1 jar of your favorite barbeque sauce
1 jar of your favorite barbeque rub

The Top Chef “Bacon is a Vegetable” Shirt

Posted in Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on December 5, 2008 by chomposaurus

Catching up on Top Chef this week (I missed last week’s during my preparation for the Thanksgiving face-stuffing), I noticed one contestant had a “Bacon is a Vegetable” shirt on. All should be encouraged to wear such fabulously paradoxical clothing, so you can purchase one at Diesel Sweeties. They also have the great bacon-toaster shirt pictured above.

Now that I’ve fully recovered from Thanksgiving, next week there will be a lot more meat on these pages.

Bacon Turducken, Part 2

Posted in Fowl, Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on November 26, 2008 by chomposaurus

While I still enjoy the original, Bacon Today’s Turbaconducken is also marvelous.

The Baconnaise Review

Posted in Baconnaise with tags , , on November 25, 2008 by chomposaurus



Baconnaise. Where to begin? It’s bacon-flavored mayonnaise, made by J&D’s, the creators of Bacon Salt. Their motto, plain and simple, is “everything should taste like bacon.” So I grabbed myself a sample jar, determined to find out if they had reached their goal.

Now, here’s what will blow your mind about baconnaise: it contains no pork. Which means not only is it kosher, it’s also vegetarian. The bacon flavor emerges from a magical combination of salt, spices and natural flavors. Yes, that’s right, you could buy your rabbi a jar of baconnaise for the holidays (I imagine it’s delicious on a latke).

I put my baconnaise to the test in my favorite bacon-delivery device: the BLT. Ingredients: Wonderbread, lettuce, tomato, baconnaise. Pure and simple. I hacked my way into that faux-meaty bush like an intrepid explorer, and I was rewarded handsomely for my carnivorous bravery.

The question on everyone’s mind is: does it taste like bacon? Yes, it does. Rich, smoked bacon with a lot of salt (but after all, isn’t that the main flavor of real bacon?) While it’s difficult to pinpoint the flavor mix exactly, the ingredients list indicates paprika is high up, and you can definitely taste it. But I also detected a healthy bit of nut flavor, what I can only discribe as “Planter’s Mixed Nuts in a Can.” Somehow this makes it bacon-y. The spread finishes with a bit of a tang, perhaps a hint of vinegar. Everything comes together well and somehow you’re left with the distinct impression that you just ate bacon, even if your sandwich, like mine, contained no meat. The texture is fine, the same as any other egg-based spread (mayo, miracle whip, etc).

Could you eat baconnaise every day, instead of mayonnaise? Probably. After a while the flavor gets a bit overwhelming. Think, for instance about eating grape-flavored starbursts instead of a bag of grapes and you kind of get the idea. However, there’s no doubt that baconnaise is delicious. It is not gross, weird or sketchy. It only seems like it would be, because we don’t realize how common the flavors of bacon are: salt, smoke and a hint of nuttiness.

Sure, it’s a novelty item. But it’s a brilliant and useful one. Let’s face it, practical or not, baconnaise is a miracle. Baconnaise rocks the knee-high socks off a Catholic school girl.

There’s a lot more about baconnaise on the official site, including reviews, recipes and a place to buy it online. And no, I did not try baconnaise lite, but I’m sure it makes a great salad dressing.

Bacon Flavored Vodka: Don’t Apple-Smoke and Drive

Posted in Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on August 19, 2008 by chomposaurus

I’m going to have to try this recipe. Who could resist having a bacon vodka tonic with their burger? Or if you’re feeling really adventurous, put some jalapeno-bacon vodka in your bloody mary:

If Only Life Were So Easy

Posted in Meat Devices, Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , on July 22, 2008 by chomposaurus