McSweeney’s Internet Tendency contains a lengthy section of sly reviews of new food products, from grocery store chicken fries to a mother-in-law’s bad pasta. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of meat.
The bottle says Gatorade A.M. helps put back the fluids and energy you lose during a full night’s sleep, to which I reply: “It’s about time.” Finally, someone has engineered an athletic drink for people like me, Athletes of Sleep—people for whom it is less physically taxing to be awake than asleep.
I had to try it. So recently, after a thoroughly exhausting night of sleeping, I woke up with orange-strawberry. I quickly regained all the energy I lost by sleeping so hard.