Archive for the Fast Food Category

Just 10,000 More Calories to Heaven

Posted in Fast Food, MEAT POLITICS with tags on October 26, 2009 by chomposaurus

Holy Mother of God.

“LEVEL ONE: A bun, grilled with cheese and bacon. It supports a 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken fried bacon, chili cheese dog-burger, 7 oz. cheeseburger, and chicken-fried bacon.

LEVEL TWO: Grilled cheese with bacon, a 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken fried bacon, chili cheese dog-burger, 7 oz. cheeseburger, and chicken-fried bacon.

LEVEL THREE: Grilled cheese with bacon, a fried egg, cooked to order, topped with onion rings and garnished – no, crowned – with Faribault Creamery cheese curds.”

Calories: Approximately 10,000. Cost: “$25, not counting medical care. By the way, we are not liable for injury,” warned Emerson. “You WILL be asked to sign a waiver” (see below).

This is all from Burger Jones, a Minneapolis burger bar seeking a bit of online attention. Well, after that photo I’m happy to give it to them. While some might find this burger to be an example of American consumptive extravagance, I see it more as a conceptual art piece designed to lay bare the fattiest contents of our diet without judgment. If you eat this in one sitting, you could die. But how many sittings would it take to eat it normal portions? Probably only a couple dozen. There’s something more here than a humorous, “fuck-you organic hippies!” sentiment. People are eating this every day, piece by piece, and we still don’t really know whether to celebrate or despite it, even though greasy foods are a center of our cultural experience. The war on saturated fat hasn’t lowered heart disease, and the war on obesity hasn’t made Americans skinnier. So do we need to do more, or sit back and enjoy our caloric arts?

Advertisements

Dream Wedding

Posted in Fast Food on July 14, 2009 by chomposaurus

Yeah, I could totally see myself doing this.

Burger King Flame: Ladies Luv It When You Smell Like Beef

Posted in Burgers, Fast Food, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on December 19, 2008 by chomposaurus

picture-5
My friends, no one needs cologne that smells like beef. But I have a lot of things I don’t need, such as a giant marble lion toothbrush holder, many dozen classic Transformers toys, and a latex sauce pan cover shaped like a pig’s face. So enter Burger King to fill my non-need for a flame-brioled-burger-scented cologne with their new offering, Flame (note the awesome url: firemeetsdesire.com). Yes, thanks to the ever-frighetning King, you can now smell like a Whopper at your holiday party.

Fortunately, it’s available at Ricky’s NYC… so I had to go out and buy some. The bored clerks in the store were more than happy to point me to it. The lady at the register thought it was gross, then admitted that she wouldn’t mind smelling like “chicken nuggets.” I found myself agreeing with her, much to my own surprise and chagrin. Her colleague called us gross, adding that she wouldn’t object to a perfume that had the essence of soul food, including fried chicken, macaroni & cheese and greens. I paid my $3.99 and quickly stuffed the package – which looked like a shiny black condom wrapper with a burger king logo – into my bag.

After resisting the urge to spray the office vegetarians with the small bottle of Flame, I boldly applied some to my own wrists. And sprayed some in the air. The result: universal disgust. Everyone gathered around began coughing. And therein lies the horrible secret of Flame: it’s not burger-scented. It’s “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat,” which I think means it’s shitty cologne with a bit of salt rubbed into it. Try as I might, I could not smell anything related to meat. If you want to know what a Burger King smells like when it’s burning down in a horrible grease fire, though, this is probably as close as you get to the real thing. The acrid, eye-watering scent will not attract anything to you. Even my dog would start choking if it licked this off my wrist.

I’m glad I tried it, so you don’t have to. If this is what The King smells like then I don’t want him anywhere near me. Once again, America’s junk food vendors have produced something truly sub-par and repulsive.

You Eat What The Cow Eats

Posted in Fast Food, MEAT POLITICS with tags , on November 17, 2008 by chomposaurus

corn on the cow[/caption]
And in this case, the cow has been eating mostly corn…

If you thought you were eating mostly grass-fed beef when you bit into a Big Mac, think again: The bulk of a fast-food hamburger from McDonald’s, Burger King or Wendy’s is made from cows that eat primarily corn, or so says a new study of the chemical composition of more than 480 fast-food burgers from across the nation.

Eating a diet of meat from corn-fed animals hasn’t been linked to any specific health effects in humans. But it has resulted in widespread environmental degradation, including drained water supplies, degraded soils, and reliance on fossil fuels for fertilizer, pesticides and farm machinery fuel…

Feeding so much corn to cows is bad for the environment, bad for the cows, and potentially bad for you. So, this is a very straightforward case of industrial farming leading to potential health hazards, animal mistreatment, and low-quality meat. It’s good to know that when you buy “grass-fed” beef, you’re getting something more than peace of mind.

The solution should be to eat less meat, though. Switching cows over to grass does not solve the larger problems of unbalanced food supplies and overconsumption.

It’s Like John Madden Threw Up In My Mouth, And Everyone’s Invited!

Posted in Fast Food, VIDEOS with tags , on November 13, 2008 by chomposaurus

Patton Oswald puts into words what we’re all thinking about the KFC’s “Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl”:

bowl

(Post title courtesy of: Truck J. Shann)

Eat Your Pets, NYC

Posted in Fast Food, MEAT POLITICS, STRANGE MEAT, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , on October 14, 2008 by chomposaurus


British street artist Banksy has set up what can only be described as a bizarre and enthralling storefront art project in Greenwich Village. The Village Pet Store and Charcoal Grill uses animatronics, found art and multimedia to question just about every assumption we make about animals: how we live with them, how we live with eating them and how they live like us.


Some people seem to think this is a vegetarian protest project , but of course it’s far more subtle than that. Even for people who adore meat, there is an internal contradiction when they spend a day doing nothing but playing catch with their dog. Most of us can live with this contradiction; but most of us are not confronted with it so strikingly. Your reactions may very when you see a hotdog where a hamster should be. Whatever Banksy means, you gotta go see his store. The exhibit runs through Oct 31.


(Photos by TJ and Gothamist)

You Are Not Allowed in My Car or House If You Eat This Insanity

Posted in Fast Food on September 11, 2008 by chomposaurus

Look, I’m all about spicy meat, even dangerously spicy meat. But one place that does not need to make its meat more gut-wrenchingly disturbing is Taco Bell. That’s just what they’ve done with their latest creation, the Volcano Taco. They even made the shell red. Red meaning: Stop. Don’t eat this. You know better. Go put some chipotle sauce on a homemade quesadilla. Hell, go to Chipotle. Whatever you do, do not bring your gassy, soon-to-be-puking self anywhere near my shit.

Review of this mess here.

P.S. Their spicy sauce is called “Lava” Sauce. That’s not what it’s made from, that’s what it makes. Is all I’ll say.