Archive for the QUALITY FAST FOOD Category

Quality Fast Food: Original Seafood Restaurant, Dennis Port, Cape Cod, MA

Posted in Original Seafood Restaurant, QUALITY FAST FOOD with tags , on September 30, 2009 by chomposaurus

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When I walk into a counter-service fast food restaurant and I see the “Lobster Bomb” listed on the menu, I know I’ve walked into the right place. The unoriginally named Original Seafood Restaurant offers this explosive 1-pound lobster roll for the completely reasonable sum of $25, as it is more than enough crustacean for two people, especially when it’s accompanied by soft, hot, salty fries.

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The lobster itself comes in massive red chunks, bathed but not drowned in a coat of mayo. The whole pile tastes so fresh that you could swear it was the fruit of some sort of magical lobster plant, grown and picked in the garden that day. Even if you opt for the more reasonable $13.99 lobster roll and fries, you will get a satisfying heap of tender meat. And of course, since it’s New England, all rolls are served in those controversial “Top Loader” hot dog buns. Perhaps, after years of failing to support my relish-laden Fenway Franks, these rolls have finally found a purpose in hosting light lumps of lobster and lettuce.

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Unable to try just one thing, we also got a basket of fried clam strips, which were remarkable for their lack of grease. Instead, they were tender inside and out, from the creamy batter to the friendly and forthcoming meat inside.

The only item that received mixed reviews was the chowder, which tasted more like a hearty potato soup with clam chunks in it. But what it lacked in authenticity it made up for in scarfability, especially at $2.99 for a rather generous “small” bowl.

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So, when you’re in the mid-cape area and can’t defend going to Sundae School for dinner a third night in a row, don’t try and be unique: follow the crowds to the Original Seafood Restaurant. Perhaps you will be bold enough to order the 8-person “Seafood Frenzy” listed ominously at the bottom of their menu…

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Quality Fast Food: Kelly’s Roast Beef

Posted in Beef, Kelly's Roast Beef, REVIEWS [Restaurants], STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , , , , on April 30, 2009 by chomposaurus

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On my recent triumphant return to the Chomposaurus breeding grounds of Boston, MA, I visited a mecca of meat that I had strangely neglected during my initial tenure there. Kelly’s Roast Beef has a few locations in the Boston area (for this review we went to the original at Revere Beach), pumping out metric tons of sandwiches, fried foods and chowder to the hungry New England masses. Indeed, my carnivorous companion Wyoming Rose and I were amazed that “Medium Onion Ring” equaled a literal half-a-square-foot cube of deep-fried flaky battered rings. Needless to say we did not finish them, even though they were flaky, fresh and gigantic.

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Before I move on to the main attraction, a warning: do not order the large roast beef sandwich unless you have resigned yourself to an early, coronary-propelled grave. Kelly’s Large Roast Beef Sandwich is two solid hockey pucks’ worth of moist meat packed precariously into a buttery yellow bun. I had difficulty putting it into my mouth, and believe me I have a big mouth. Only the use of generous amounts of barbecue sauce as lube allowed for easy digestion. Well, that and the beef was out of this world. It was as though your local Arby’s had gone to the neighborhood deli and gotten their best brisket for their sandwiches. You won’t top Kelly’s for quality of fast food roast beef. I was fortunate in that I needed a lot of it, too, since I was loading up for the Boston Marathon. Not to run it, mind you; but to be able to absorb the six hours of beer that watching it from the street requires.

Rose and I were also impressed with the quality of the service. You see, when the beefsmith taking our order asked what we wanted on our sandwiches, I foolishly said “everything,” figuring this was a Chicago Vienna Dog type situation. He paused and looked up at me. “Really?” He said, “Everything is pretty disgusting.” He listed about 20 items, most of which would not go together. I settled for cheese, onions, pickles and barbecue sauce – a good choice, although horseradish was also tempting. They also had no problem giving us extra buckets of bbq sauce to dip our rings in. Hooray for Yankee kindness.

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So if you have a hankering for the best beef you can eat in 10 minutes or less, Kelly’s is your place. And perhaps, finally, I have found someone to help me forget my first true roast beef love, Rax. Although it’s hard to replace lemonade served in a plastic alligator.

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Quality Fast Food: IKEA Bistro

Posted in IKEA Bistro, QUALITY FAST FOOD with tags on September 23, 2008 by chomposaurus

It’s IKEA Meat Week here at Chomposaurus, and we’re kicking it off with a bang!

I know, I know: it’s not a picture of meat. But what makes the meat at Ikea’s small bistro so good is that it comes so cheap. Sure, their hot dogs are all beef (proven when the two nice hindu girls in front of me asked to know for religious purposes) and their lingonberry soda mixes brilliantly with pepsi. But two hot dogs, a cinnamon roll and an unlimited-refill soda for $2.50? Unless it turns out that it’s all filled with Chinese chemical paint remover, you simply can’t find quality food this cheap anywhere, not even Gray’s Papaya. It’s worth the trip, trust me. And you might pick up some killer lamps while you’re there.

Keep visiting for more IKEA reviews this week!

Mystic Meat Quest: Burgers on Toast

Posted in Burgers, QUALITY FAST FOOD with tags , , , , , on July 29, 2008 by chomposaurus

I had a dream. A dream in which I ascended a tall tower, taller than the highest car dealership flagpole, and at the top of this tower was a restaurant. First I talked to two old ladies. Since I look like a hobo, they assumed I was robbing them. I took their jewelry and exchanged it at a strange, glowing counter for a tray of food. I returned to the table – the old ladies kindly asked me to sit next to them, they were just leaving due to the smell – and I looked down. Upon my tray was pound after pound of fries and a stack, about a foot high, of burgers. But they were not ordinary burgers. They were burgers on toast.

Rare is the pleasure of a burger served not on the stale bun but on the fresh piece of sliced bread. There are many “gourmet” restaurants which offer this; indeed, some places (like the ever-disappointing KnowFat) will give your burger to you on a wrap. But a nice, solid piece of toast goes so well with burger and sauce. Where can you get one?

Two places come to mind:


Steak & Shake Frisco Melt


Sonic Drive-In (served with a freaking onion ring on it)

Where else? Dear readers, please leave a comment with your favorite place to get a burger that’s not on an accursed bun… I must fulfill the desires given to me by my subconscious! Which include: eating a burger on texas toast and playing Connect Four with Rachel McAdams.

Quality Fast Food: The Zax Attack!

Posted in Chicken, QUALITY FAST FOOD, Zaxby's with tags , , , , on July 28, 2008 by chomposaurus

No, I am not referencing Saved by the Bell, so don’t get excited, 80’s nerds. I am instead talking about a decidedly 21st century phenomenon: a fried chicken fast food restaurant that isn’t run by fundamentalists or at war with the hobos. For many states of the Confederacy are now graced by the brilliant, the beautiful, the tenderly-greasy chicken of Zaxby’s.


The chicken tastes fresh, no processed lumps or strange mush. It lives up to the word tender. And yes, the chicken is both very salty and very greasy, but in a pleasing way, since the whole thing falls apart in a rewardingly moist manner, without chewiness. The seasoning is strong, too, unlike KFC which relies on pure salt-overload and crunchiness to mask a complete lack of flavor. Alongside the chicken you’ll find hearty crinkle fries and highly-addictive Texas toast.

The best part: The Zax Sauce. This creamy, tangy orange-colored dressing, with hints of ranch and thousand island, comes in big ass tubs with everything you order. And indeed, you can dip anything in it: fries, chicken, Texas toast, even put it on your salad (excuse me, Zalad), and the results are delicious. What’s in Zax Sauce? The website says: 17g of fat and 650g of sodium for every 43g serving. But I know the only ingredient is: sexiness. That’s right, Zax Sauce is damn sexy. It kind of makes you feel guilty, how much you want it. Which is why they charge 50 cents per extra tub.

So go find one today and celebrate the fact that America still fries the best fast food chicken in the world.

[Note: We have a new category, Quality Fast Food. Send in your suggestions for reviews!]

The Heavy Dog

Posted in Hot Dogs, QUALITY FAST FOOD, The Varsity with tags , on June 24, 2008 by chomposaurus


us take a moment to celebrate the Heavy Dog, found only at The Varsity in Georgia. This particular specimen was photographed at the Athens branch. It’s a fairly small, normal hotdog, placed on a bun that is wide enough for at least three jumbo hotdogs. This entire bread bucket is then filled to the brim with luscious, finely-ground chili chunks and topped with a line of cheese. If you are a chili dog afficianado, then this is your fast food city of gold. And don’t forget your frosted orange…
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87 Acres of Onion Rings

Posted in Hot Dogs, The Varsity with tags , , on April 17, 2008 by chomposaurus

Heavy Chili

An imposing network of fat expressways feeds the protein of the city of Atlanta to its the exurban sprawl. Those travelling these acres in turn need sustenance; much of it is provided by an expansive fast food standard known as The Varsity. A model of sprawl itself, this drive-in restaurant boasts dining room after dining room of bright lights and perfectly greasy food. Imagine an entire state fair’s worth of food, enclosed and suspended above a network of highways, and you’d be close to what you find wandering around The Varsity. When I was there, on a quiet Saturday night, it was positively eerie to see so many empty rooms sitting ready to host so many souls seeking enlightened combinations of chili and cheese.

On the other hand, you get a free hat. That’s pretty nifty.

The menu differentiates between “chili dog” and “heavy chili dog” – need I say more? All the meat comes fresh every day (never frozen like the typical franchise slumhole), and you can tell. On top of all that meaty goodness, the French fries and onion rings are absolutely amazing, especially the fries – classic American style, no messing around. One warning: the portions are small, so get two of whatever you order. Is it good for you? No. But it’s so much better than eating another lifeless QPw/C as you barrel across the grey landscape of another American city bulging unchecked. Support quality fast food and eat at places like The Varsity.

http://www.thevarsity.com/menu.php?action=viewcat&mCat_id=1