Archive for December, 2008

Happy Holidays & Remember Your Animal Friends in Need

Posted in STUFF ABOUT MEAT on December 25, 2008 by chomposaurus

xmas

Review: Uncle Charley’s Spicy Sausage [unclecharleyssausage.com]

Posted in Gourmet Dogs & Sausage, REVIEWS, Uncle Charley's Sausage on December 23, 2008 by chomposaurus

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What better way to celebrate the holidays than by chomping down on some of Uncle Charley’s Gourmet Sausage? It almost feels like a holiday tradition. Uncle Charley himself was kind enough to send me a few packs of sausages, and I must say that I came away impressed… and pretty full. The spicy italian (with peppers and onions) grilled up perfectly, and went great with a hot marinade and mustard. The sausage itself was very rich and meaty, like a meatloaf in a tube. There was a mealy, almost earthy texture, and the flavor held hints of smoke amidst the pungent pork. I found the sweet italian sausage to be almost as good, but the lack of fire definitely made it less interesting. However, my more conservative friends liked it, so it’s really a matter of taste, not quality.

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So, if you’re looking for some sausage online, Uncle Charley is a good guy to know. In the new year, we’ll be reviewing his breakfast sausage and patented “sausage burgers.”

A Wagyu Holiday (Sponsored by Costco)

Posted in Beef, STUFF ABOUT MEAT, Wagyu with tags , on December 22, 2008 by chomposaurus

wagyu costco

Dear Warren,

You are a great brother-in-law. I hope the lawn gnome business picks up in the new year. I’m sure you’ll be able to pay back all the money you owe the banks… and me. I guess you may be feeling a little down, so here’s a 15 lbs pack of Wagyu Beef from Costco that cost me 2 G’s. Grill some up and find out what success tastes like!

Love,
Chris

P.S. I’m richer than you.

Burger King Flame: Ladies Luv It When You Smell Like Beef

Posted in Burgers, Fast Food, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on December 19, 2008 by chomposaurus

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My friends, no one needs cologne that smells like beef. But I have a lot of things I don’t need, such as a giant marble lion toothbrush holder, many dozen classic Transformers toys, and a latex sauce pan cover shaped like a pig’s face. So enter Burger King to fill my non-need for a flame-brioled-burger-scented cologne with their new offering, Flame (note the awesome url: firemeetsdesire.com). Yes, thanks to the ever-frighetning King, you can now smell like a Whopper at your holiday party.

Fortunately, it’s available at Ricky’s NYC… so I had to go out and buy some. The bored clerks in the store were more than happy to point me to it. The lady at the register thought it was gross, then admitted that she wouldn’t mind smelling like “chicken nuggets.” I found myself agreeing with her, much to my own surprise and chagrin. Her colleague called us gross, adding that she wouldn’t object to a perfume that had the essence of soul food, including fried chicken, macaroni & cheese and greens. I paid my $3.99 and quickly stuffed the package – which looked like a shiny black condom wrapper with a burger king logo – into my bag.

After resisting the urge to spray the office vegetarians with the small bottle of Flame, I boldly applied some to my own wrists. And sprayed some in the air. The result: universal disgust. Everyone gathered around began coughing. And therein lies the horrible secret of Flame: it’s not burger-scented. It’s “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat,” which I think means it’s shitty cologne with a bit of salt rubbed into it. Try as I might, I could not smell anything related to meat. If you want to know what a Burger King smells like when it’s burning down in a horrible grease fire, though, this is probably as close as you get to the real thing. The acrid, eye-watering scent will not attract anything to you. Even my dog would start choking if it licked this off my wrist.

I’m glad I tried it, so you don’t have to. If this is what The King smells like then I don’t want him anywhere near me. Once again, America’s junk food vendors have produced something truly sub-par and repulsive.

Your Christmas Gooducken

Posted in Fowl, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags on December 18, 2008 by chomposaurus

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Was that Thanksgiving Turducken not enough to satisfy your need to stuff one bird inside another and then roast them into a pile of glowing delicious ecstasy? Well fear not, you need not repeat yourself. As the London Times reports, the Gooducken is here. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like: A duck, stuffed in a chicken, which is then stuffed into a traditional christmas goose. The result is a christmas feast that would make Tiny Tim faint and/or make baby Jesus cry. Further information / pictures seem to be scarce, but rest assured that as soon as we spot or bite into one of these, you will be the first to know about it.

Paula’s Home Cooked Meats on Hulu

Posted in VIDEOS with tags on December 15, 2008 by chomposaurus


A buddy of mine recommended Paula Deen’s fabulous how-to cooking videos on hulu.com, a video-streaming site. Check out her guides for Beef Brisket or Trussing Poultry and you’ll be a home-cooked expert in no time.

I’m Made of Meat!

Posted in STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags on December 12, 2008 by chomposaurus


Another day, another great t-shirt, this one from TopatoCo / Dinosaur Comics.

Review: Tofurky Roast and Vegan Mushroom Gravy

Posted in Fake Meat, REVIEWS, Tofurky Roast with tags on December 11, 2008 by chomposaurus

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This thanksgiving, before going home with the real thing, my girlfriend and I decided to have a mini-celebration. Since she is not of the meatiest persuasion, I decided to cook something I’d always wanted to try, even if it was just to say I had: The Tofurky Roast, aka a turkey substitute made of tofu, gluten, etc by Turtle Island Foods.

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I cooked it just like a turkey (following the directions), surrounding the loaf with onions and carrots and basting it with soy sauce and olive oil. After cooking for a good hour and fifteen while covered, I let it roast another 15 without the aluminum. I took it out and sliced it open. Inside is a cavity of stuffing, but the box recommends you carve it at an angle, like a real turkey. I think that’s because if you slice it like a loaf, the pieces are too thick and chewy.

So how did it taste? Smothered in vegan gravy, it was quite moist and mouth-watering. True, there was a definite tofu-like stickiness to the “meat,” but it tasted no worse than the type of processed, sliced turkey you’d find in a grocery. Add plenty of gravy and the well-made stuffing, and there’s nothing at all to complain about. You certainly feel like you’ve found a valid substitute for your Thanksgiving turkey.

The key word is “substitute,” not “replacement.” To go with a sports metaphor, the Tofurky Roast is like putting Lattrell Sprewell in the game for Michael Jordan. To go with a celebrity metaphor, it’s like replacing Britney Spears with Tara Reid. You’ll still be entertained, and you might learn something new, but the overall effect is simply not the same. The gravy, though, is superb, and I recommend it 100% as a healthy replacement for your normal meat-based concoction.

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Of course, the most important part of thanksgiving are the leftovers. And Tofurky passed the test there, too, when reheated in my office’s microwave. So fear not this vegan loaf. It’s just as fun – and not as scary – as it looks.

Know Your Pig: Tokyo X & Super Golden

Posted in KNOW YOUR PIG, Pork, STUFF ABOUT MEAT, Tokyo X & Super Golden with tags on December 10, 2008 by chomposaurus

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Recently, on iron chef (and by that I mean 10 years ago, but I still get excited watching reruns on cable), the tournament of iron chefs featured a battle between Iron Chef Chen (Chinese) and Iron Chef Kobe (Italian). The featured ingredient was Tokyo X, a kind of Japanese super-pork that is to pigs what Kobe beef is to cows, replacing Kurobuta pork at the top of the luxury food chain.

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Further research indicates that Tokyo X has a competitor: Super Golden. Searching for Tokyo X is pretty difficult, given the amount of hentai that shows up. But I was able to find some pretty good information. Tokyo X Pigs were bred in the 90’s from three different breeds: Beijing Black, English Berkshire and Duroc. The million-dollar project was carried out by what is now the employer of my dreams, the Tokyo Metropolitan Livestock Experiment Station. Similarly, breeders developed Super Golden over the past half-century from lines of Large White, Landrace and Duroc pigs. The product: highly-marbled meat resulting in extreme tenderness. Taste and juiciness improved as well, but tenderness was what was truly prized.

Unfortunately, the english language WWW doesn’t contain many good descriptions of Tokyo X; the LA Times has a writeup here and there is a semi-official site with a good bit of engrish as well. If you know a good place to buy or try Tokyo-X, please leave a comment.

Chen won the battle, by the way. His Mapo Doufu (Spicy Tofu & Pork) looked delicious.

The Offal Truth: Depression Hits The Cows

Posted in Beef, KNOW YOUR COW, STRANGE MEAT, STUFF ABOUT MEAT with tags , on December 9, 2008 by chomposaurus

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Apparently, the economic downturn massive depression is forcing some homemakers to look at alternatives to expensive meats.

Retail and food experts say that worry over the high cost of prime meat cuts and the economic downturn have more shoppers checking out supermarket offal offerings. But the return to eating innards was underway even before this year’s financial crisis, as celebrity chefs and restaurateurs have encouraged a return to cooking organs such as liver and kidneys, which once enjoyed a central place in British cooking. (See how farmers around the world prepare their crops for harvest.)

At ASDA, Britain’s second largest supermarket chain and a subsidiary of Wal-Mart, offal sales were up 20% last month compared to November 2007. Sainsbury’s, the country’s third largest supermarket chain, is selling 48% more pig livers, 22% more chicken livers and 8% more pig kidney than it was last year. Overall, sales of offal in the U.K. are expected to reach more than $62 million this year according to industry analysts Mintel.

“It’s price-driven,” says Bob Cotton, CEO of the British Hospitality Association, which represents 60,000 hotels and restaurants in the U.K. “I couldn’t say the British public have suddenly fallen in love with offal. That would be gilding the lily.”

I’m all for using the whole cow! Here are some great offal recipes:
Lamb Fries (aka Cowboy Caviar aka Balls) and Beef Tongue from Confabulist

Tripas à modo do PortoThe tripe stew for which Porto is famous (I have had this and it is quite tasty – like lentil soup with meat)

And something a bit more gourmet… Beef Liver with Carmelized Onions and Pecans

Yep, those are balls.

Yep, those are balls.