Archive for the Fake Meat Category

Review: Tofurky Roast and Vegan Mushroom Gravy

Posted in Fake Meat, REVIEWS, Tofurky Roast with tags on December 11, 2008 by chomposaurus

roast
This thanksgiving, before going home with the real thing, my girlfriend and I decided to have a mini-celebration. Since she is not of the meatiest persuasion, I decided to cook something I’d always wanted to try, even if it was just to say I had: The Tofurky Roast, aka a turkey substitute made of tofu, gluten, etc by Turtle Island Foods.

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I cooked it just like a turkey (following the directions), surrounding the loaf with onions and carrots and basting it with soy sauce and olive oil. After cooking for a good hour and fifteen while covered, I let it roast another 15 without the aluminum. I took it out and sliced it open. Inside is a cavity of stuffing, but the box recommends you carve it at an angle, like a real turkey. I think that’s because if you slice it like a loaf, the pieces are too thick and chewy.

So how did it taste? Smothered in vegan gravy, it was quite moist and mouth-watering. True, there was a definite tofu-like stickiness to the “meat,” but it tasted no worse than the type of processed, sliced turkey you’d find in a grocery. Add plenty of gravy and the well-made stuffing, and there’s nothing at all to complain about. You certainly feel like you’ve found a valid substitute for your Thanksgiving turkey.

The key word is “substitute,” not “replacement.” To go with a sports metaphor, the Tofurky Roast is like putting Lattrell Sprewell in the game for Michael Jordan. To go with a celebrity metaphor, it’s like replacing Britney Spears with Tara Reid. You’ll still be entertained, and you might learn something new, but the overall effect is simply not the same. The gravy, though, is superb, and I recommend it 100% as a healthy replacement for your normal meat-based concoction.

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Of course, the most important part of thanksgiving are the leftovers. And Tofurky passed the test there, too, when reheated in my office’s microwave. So fear not this vegan loaf. It’s just as fun – and not as scary – as it looks.

Review: Trader Joe’s Meatless Meatballs

Posted in Fake Meat, REVIEWS, TJ's Meatless Meatballs with tags on November 14, 2008 by chomposaurus

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For this meatless friday, we give you the best meatless meat deal on the planet: a bigass sack of TJ’s soyballs for under five bucks. Do they taste like real meatballs? Not quite. But they have the texture just right – chewy yet delicate – and they look damn good in the sauce. They come a bit underseasoned, so you can add whatever spices feel right. You might be looking for a more detailed review, but there isn’t one. If you like meatballs, but don’t want to eat meat, buy these. You won’t be disappointed.
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Veggie Meat Test: Tofurky Sausage

Posted in Fake Meat, Fake Meat, MEAT POLITICS, Tofurky Sausage with tags , , on May 7, 2008 by chomposaurus

One of my major campaigns here at Chomposaurus aims to convince meatlovers that you don’t have to eat meat every meal of the day to be satisfied; in fact, eating regular vegetarian meals will make your meat eating healthier, more enoyable and better for the environment.

A major source of bad meat is your quick lunch. Whether slimy baloney from a package or supermarket-brand hot dog, lunch can mean eating meat that comes and goes without doing anyone any good. Thus, I’ll review some environmentally efficient and hopefully tasty veggie substitutes.


Today’s choice is the Tofurky Sausage, a soy and wheat gluten based product that was specifically designed to replicate the grilling habits of your common sausage species. I chose the Tomato & Basil variety.
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