Your Local KFC Could Be a Terrorist Trap!
As I’ve always suspected, that KFC down the block simply can’t be trusted under any circumstances. Here’s what happened. Fox news, basing their report on a few pictures and some emails by soldiers, ran a piece celebrating the opening of a KFC in the previously terrorist-infested Fallujah area of Iraq. Things must be better, they said, if you can get a bucket of popcorn chicken after hitting a bag or three of goat wine.
The only problem? The KFC was fake. TPM did some actual reporting – an activity largely foreign to Fox News – and called KFC, who denied opening any outlets in Fallujah. Now the real question is: were those soldiers even eating chicken, or did some child’s poor pet sacrifice itself so a crafty Iraqi could profit from our desire for greasy crap food?
My bigger issue with the whole fiasco is the fact that we’re celebrating the opening of a KFC at all. Globalization has allowed American fast food chains to open in a lot of countries who regularly appear on human rights watch lists. Having an Arby’s down the street isn’t a sign that everything is a-ok in your country. It’s a sign that someone wants your money in exchange for a disgusting grease bomb.
So let’s look for a better sign that our troops are succeeding than the fact that the Iraqi middle class can order off the value menu, ok? Maybe, like, a working police force, education system and utilities infrastructure? Ok.