The Scourge of the Fenway Frank Top-Loading Bun

Look, I don’t consider myself a very picky eater. Once I was confronted with the terrible cafeteria food in college, I found myself willing to eat anything and everything with taste. I’m looking forward to the day when I eat fried cricket and have my first ostrich burger. But why oh why must my current home city of Boston be obsessed with one of the worst ideas ever, the top-cut hot dog bun?

If you haven’t seen these things, you’re lucky. They’re all you can buy in the groceries here. Imagine a hotdog bun, then imagine the slot for the frank is only half as big as usual, at an awkward angle. As you can see from the picture, my D’Artagnan Uncured Beef Dogs aren’t really in the bun; they’re sort of perched on top. And don’t even think of squeezing relish or a suitable amount of onions alongside.

Apparently, there is a reasonable explanation for this format – it’s better for lobster rolls, a New England specialty. The crab or lobster salad is more stable than with the almost-separated side-split bun. But come on people, eating giant wieners is a serious business, and it requires a bun that can handle the massive meaty girth required to satisfy a true carnivore.