Listen to Our Radio Station… and Perish!

Driving through quiet Bladenboro, NC yesterday, I had my radio tuned to KZQ: Myrtle Beach’s station for New Rock. After rocking out alongside the corn and tobacco to “Cult of Personality”, I was intrigued by the station’s newest competition, where you could “fill up for free for a year.” Apparently, you got free gas on the station – not bad considering it now costs something like eight million dollars per cubic inch for sweet, light crude. Then I heard the second way they would fill you up:

A grand prize winner will be randomly drawn from all entries to win… 52 Hardee’s 1/3 Thickburger certificates- good for a whole year’s worth of great sandwiches.

My friends, Hardee’s Prime Rib Thickburger contains 48 grams of fat, 780 calories and 1480 mg of Sodium. This radio station is giving you a year’s supply of death. Or 40,000 calories, 2500 grams of fat and 77,000 mg of sodium to be exact. It’s probably best you don’t call in and stick with ham on rye instead.

Although given current gas prices, you could probably make a killing liquefying the burgers and selling them as ethanol at the side of the road.

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