Archive for April, 2008

Hitting The Meat Wall – A Conversation

Posted in Beef, MEAT POLITICS with tags , , , , on April 18, 2008 by chomposaurus

A conversation between me and my fellow meat patriot, P. Sundae.

me: america’s porn industry: paying for america’s war industry
is it possible for us to become a porn-based economy?

P. Sundae: do you ever think about the things that are wasteful to produce and try to distinguish them from the things that aren’t?
for example, food is a productive use of resources
but is soda?

me: but cheetos are not
it’s a hard question

P. Sundae: are we wealthier for producing coca cola?

me: the solution: hold a farmer’s market in your escalade

P. Sundae: as a nation, yes, as a world, no

me: interesting point
I’m interested in when we will hit the meat wall
when the worldwide demand for meat is simply greater than what the world can produce (without killing humans)

P. Sundae: haha, is that real?

me: I just made up the term “the meat wall”

P. Sundae: i’m going back to school to write a dissertation on the meat wall

me: but yes, there is the prospect of meat becoming super-expensive because of the exponentially growing demand of several emerging economies (china esp.)
the solution: moon cows

P. Sundae: haha

me: we’ll use the space elevator to bring the meat back from the lunar beef domes

P. Sundae: lol
you’re killing me here
no, don’t kill me
you just want my meat
the space elevator. ha

me: I love the space elevator

P. Sundae: you should turn “space elevator” into a sexual term
Dirty Sanchez, The Superman, The Cleveland Steamer, The Space Elevator

me: it could work
although “The Railgun” might be better

P. Sundae: lol

87 Acres of Onion Rings

Posted in Hot Dogs, The Varsity with tags , , on April 17, 2008 by chomposaurus

Heavy Chili

An imposing network of fat expressways feeds the protein of the city of Atlanta to its the exurban sprawl. Those travelling these acres in turn need sustenance; much of it is provided by an expansive fast food standard known as The Varsity. A model of sprawl itself, this drive-in restaurant boasts dining room after dining room of bright lights and perfectly greasy food. Imagine an entire state fair’s worth of food, enclosed and suspended above a network of highways, and you’d be close to what you find wandering around The Varsity. When I was there, on a quiet Saturday night, it was positively eerie to see so many empty rooms sitting ready to host so many souls seeking enlightened combinations of chili and cheese.

On the other hand, you get a free hat. That’s pretty nifty.

The menu differentiates between “chili dog” and “heavy chili dog” – need I say more? All the meat comes fresh every day (never frozen like the typical franchise slumhole), and you can tell. On top of all that meaty goodness, the French fries and onion rings are absolutely amazing, especially the fries – classic American style, no messing around. One warning: the portions are small, so get two of whatever you order. Is it good for you? No. But it’s so much better than eating another lifeless QPw/C as you barrel across the grey landscape of another American city bulging unchecked. Support quality fast food and eat at places like The Varsity.

A McNugget is Growing on my Air Conditioner

Posted in MEAT POLITICS with tags , on April 17, 2008 by chomposaurus

In Vitro Delicious
There’s an excellent post on the NYTimes’ blog “Dot Earth” rounding up some news about in vitro meat– which, if you don’t know, is meat grown as a culture, like bacteria. Instead of e. coli, though, the carnitologists (as I’m sure they are technically called) culture muscle cells from cows, pigs or chicken. The result is real meat, albeit in a form that resembles the inside of a fried crab ball more than a fine cut of ribeye. But it’s still meat, and it supposedly tastes like the (ground up) real thing. No animals are killed in the process.

The Times seems to think we should be all worried about putting such strange, cloned meat into our bodies, but considering what chemicals are in the average nacho cheese dorito, I don’t think it should be a problem. I’m all for in vitro meats. It’s all about not hitting the Meat Wall.

As usual, wikipedia has the best info:
WikiMeat: In Vitro

The Quest for Boneless Beef Wings

Posted in Beef, Chicken with tags , , on April 15, 2008 by chomposaurus

Chicken-Fried Steak, et al

What is the chicken-fried steak? It is a steak, battered and fried as thought it were a large chicken tender. Typically it is then smothered in gravy, a torrent which then spreads across the plate and inundates the other items like biscuits, mashed-potatoes and your face To put it in technical terms, it’s beef you done fry up crispy. Although it sounds like a southern item (and is indeed called country-fried steak on occasion), it is actually more like diner food. I acquired the above sample at a rest stop diner off I-85 in the middle of Pennsylvania; sadly, it was a few years ago and I don’t remember the place, only that we had a very friendly waitress of the variety you expect in a roadside restaurant.

The point is this: The chicken-fried steak is one of the best ideas ever, and it’s a shame that people don’t get more into it. Why doesn’t Chili’s off beef crispers to complement its chicken tenders? There’s no excuse. I demand the chicken-fried steak gain more exposure, whether it be in its classic form, as some sort of steak McNugget, or even as an exotic dish like boneless beef wings. Of course with my luck, it will be McDonald’s and KFC who hear the call, wasting more rainforest to deliver us disgusting, thin beef soggy with oil and tasteless batter. No, I want Ruth’s Chris to serve fried steak: a top-notch prime rib covered with layers of onion-ring batter. It’s as American as apple pie. Well, deep fried apple pie. With cheese on it.

Porto’s Magic Slab

Posted in Beef, Pork, Sandwiches, Sausage with tags , , , on April 1, 2008 by chomposaurus


The francesinha, or little French thing, is supposedly a signature dish of Porto, a city in northern Portugal famous for, well, Port. I’m not sure if this is true – it didn’t seem to be on the menu many places, and it definitely had a bit of a touristy look to it. But that doesn’t matter at all. Because there is one thing I am sure about when it comes to the francesinha: It is a magical meat lamp containing a crazy meat-loving genie who will grant all your wildest carnivorous dreams.

Ham, linguica (spicy portuguese sausage), regular sausage and steak are squished between two thick pieces of bread. Next, a huge slab of cheese is melted around the big brick. Then, the sandwich is served in a bowl. Why? Because it’s up to its waist in a thick beer and tomato sauce.

Safe to say, you have to eat this thing with a fork. And every bite contains a different array of meaty magic. On the one hand, you never know what combination of flavors you’re going to get. On the other hand, you could say it all has the same flavor: the flavor of awesome.

Definitely try this if you’re in Porto (it’s better than their other signature dish, tripe stew). But I think it might be just as good if made with American ingredients, and I’ve found one recipe that looks accurate:

Rub this baby at your own risk. You might not be able to handle what the magical meat genie has in store.